We have, with some reluctance, agreed to evaluate the work of outside roasters. Submissions are accepted in the form of a single bean, sent by post. The evaluation will be thorough, unhurried, and almost certainly unfavourable.
Nothing about this process has been designed for your comfort. It has been designed for ours.
A single bean, by post, to an address we shall provide upon application. More than one will be returned, or discarded, at our election.
The bean is considered over a period we do not disclose. Do not enquire. Enquiries extend the period.
A formal note appears in the record. A plaque is offered. Both are final.
Suitable for framing. Designed to hang in the roaster's shop — a mark of distinction, in the sense that we have distinguished you from those we ignored entirely.
We shall acknowledge your submission at a time that suits us. Fields marked with nothing at all are nevertheless required.
This is not a failing on our part.